For the past several weeks, I seem to have reached a new low, and I really wonder: how can I turn myself onto a path if the signs don't alow you to? In my case, I can't make a proper turn for where I want to head becuase obstacles are telling me otherwise.
On the first day of April, I realized that I didn't get into NYU, the college of my dreams, the college where I hoped that I would start it all, and I'll never forget that day, not only because it was April Fools', but the whole thing seemed too wrong, and I was torn. There is a part of me that will never mend because of NYU's decision to not let me in, and I don't think I can ever forget that, or forgive them for their decision either.
I had a perfect backup college: Marymount Manhattan. I was grateful that one college saw my potential and let their doors open for me to walk in. But I don't even know if I will be able to make it through those doors in time; I have a $200 tuition deposit that's still pending and my mom really doesn't care if I even attend college anymore becuase she wants me to attend a CUNY college, the most overlooked college in New York and on the East Coast. My mom's only concerned abou her needs; she hates spending money on anyone and usually dishes it all out on bills, nails, hair care, and cigarettes, my biggest pet peeve ever. And I get the short end of the stick of $10 a week. Like really, like I can do anything with that for a whole week. And she usually takes it back for whatever reason, my goodness. Now I don't even know if I will be attending college at all, and I feel that the past year planning on colleses have been wasted. I feel like my whole life has been wasted.
Sometimes I wonder: do your relatives share your best interest, or your friends? My brother thinks that his friends share his best interest, and I'm starting to think the latter now. For most of my life, I've been anti-social, an outcast, a nobody, just the average joe that dealt with school and home, and didn't have time for friends. A few months ago, I've been blessed with five wonderful people that I can consider friends and share my best interest, more than my mom ever will. My former circle of peeps from junior year disbanded, and I was left with no one. But not anymore. If I had to choose the five people I've got to know two months ago and everyone else who would give me a thousand bucks to be their friend, I'd choose the former: no one can buy friendship, that's something that's ultimately...priceless.
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2 comments:
Hey LRG, I browse the blog world to find people who are in similar situations like myself. I know how you feel. That is why my blog is friends forever, I believe in friends more than anything in the world. I grew up with my so-called Uncle and he was a character from a horror movie. Friends kept my alive and grounded. No wife, husband, mother or father, brother or sister can match fiends. Let’s face it, can you divorce your friend? You can your wife or husband, though. Will your friend leave you for another, no, but your wife or husband can. Anyway, enough of my ramble, college obviously means a lot to you, but from what I read you lack 2 things. Independence and courage. You may have to try and get a job or do something to pay your way in college and stop depending on your mom. Even if it means delaying college for a year or so, you may have to do this on your own. You may also need to find the courage to get out a lot more with friends. If those 5 friends mean a lot to you, build on them. Relate to them, try not to lose them. You are sheltered and you cannot blame your mom for that. Your fate is in your hands not hers. Friendship provides the answers to a lot of things. Explore it and you will see. Friends forever. All the best.
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.
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